This is one of the harder, less-talked-about parts of a relationship like this, so it's worth naming directly instead of leaving unspoken.
The financial pressure is real on both sides
Commissary, phone/email credit, and legal costs add up, and it's common to feel pressure -- from either direction -- to keep sending money as proof of commitment. That pressure is understandable, but it's worth separating from the actual question of what you can sustainably afford.
A boundary here is not a lack of love
Deciding what you can give financially, and saying so clearly, protects the relationship more than quietly overextending yourself and building resentment. If your own bills, savings, or stability are genuinely at risk, that's worth being honest about -- a relationship that runs one partner into real financial hardship isn't sustainable for either person long-term.
Use the official channels only
If you are sending money, only use MoneyGram, Western Union, or the BOP's mail lockbox -- see the pinned "How to Send Money to an Inmate's Account" guide under Guides → Money on the Books for the exact current codes and address. Anyone -- including someone posing as facility staff -- asking for money any other way (gift cards, a "processing fee," a link that isn't one of those three channels) is targeting families with a scam, not a legitimate request.
Talk about it like any other shared financial decision
What's realistic, what's not, and how to say so without it turning into a referendum on how much either of you cares -- that's a conversation worth having directly, the same way any couple has to talk about money, just with an added layer of pressure that's worth naming out loud rather than pretending isn't there.